Little time for me

There has been very little time for me the past month. I had planned on going out every morning with Charlotte to walk or run but it has just been too cold to take her out there or it has been raining. My treadmill and the bike have also been broken and I can tell in my mood and peace of mind and body that it has affected me. I really want to join a gym and get back onto the machines and see a difference in me.

It is confusing to me to want to move and exercise because I never had that need in high school or college. It wasn't until I started drinking coffee regularly and was given the chance to try and find me. Nearly 3 1/2 years ago I began this journey and it has been put on hold way too long.

The kids are all doing great and hitting all expectations put before them. It is great to see their personalities coming out of them and their talents grow. Each is amazing.

Happy Easter to all and don't forget the reason we celebrate it.

Back on the run...this time for me

I am back on the run, literally and this time it is for me. I am hoping to lose 100 lbs by December of this year. The first few months were difficult. I tried to run and my ankle, foot and heel just wouldn't do it. I sprained my ankle fairly bad in November and had done something to my foot last May. Neither time did I go to the dr so I have just been letting it heal on its own. But something clicked just over a week ago for me. I ran without the ankle brace for the first time, and not only did I run...I ran a 5k on the treadmill. I did it in just over 41 mins...for me a personal best then.

The next day I got onto the treadmill again and again ran without the brace...this time I completed the 5k in 38 mins. I amazingly had shaved off 3 mins just with one run...It has been a great feeling. On top of the running I am trying to use the elliptical at least once a day.

And to top it all off, I have now lost 7 lbs...only 93 more to go! My motivation is me myself and I. I know that I can't rely on the rest of the world to pat me on the back everytime I accomplish something, because my goals are not those of a superhuman. They are as basic as running one mile in 12 mins, running a whole mile in 10 mins and feeling like I want to go on with more, losing at least 1 lb a week, buttoning my pants without a muffin top.

I am also using myfitnesspal.com on the computer and on my phone to keep track of my calories. What I have found is that a lot of days I am so far below my calorie needs that I have been sabotaging myself by not eating enough, but then other days just totally binging on all the high calorie junk food I could find. I was putting myself last knowing fully well enough that at the end of the day I was only hurting myself by not taking care of myself first.

I am using dailymile.com to track my fitness for the week. When I ride the bike my goal is to get a min. of 25 miles in a day, running to get at least 30 mins in of however long I do, and the elliptical tends to fall into 15 min increments. The calories burned seemed to be higher than on a lot of other sites, but as a tool to keep track of what and where I did the workout it is awesome.

Stay tuned for more results in the future weeks.

Pictures from last year

Various pictures from the last year that didn't really fit into any other category or blog that I wrote.

My new year resolutions and finding Me.

My goals this year were to rid my life of all the extras that make me frustrated, stressed out and at times panic stricken. I started January 1st with a 1 mile run with Veronica in the first snow of the new year. I have maintained some exercise everyday since then. While the scale is seriously not budging my clothes are beginning to get looser in a lot of places. I am most happy of all that it is in the waist too. So I can check off working towards losing those pounds that leave me sad to look at myself somedays. Every day is a new start and every day I choose to make positive choices...well except that pizza I ate last night....

Next I am going through closets, cabinets and hidey holes and tossing, giving away, and really trying to decide why I felt I needed all that stuff anyways. I've managed to get through the kitchen, bathrooms and linen closets....still need to do the storage room and bedrooms...Good thing the year is 12 months long...I still have 10 months to attack the worst areas of the house.

Thirdly is the relationships in my life that just draw so much energy out of me. You know which ones those are...the ones that you put so much of yourself into them and in the end you get nothing out of them. This one is the most difficult out of all the areas. I am not good at telling people that they aren't good for me and need to take a hike. I worry about their feelings even as I begin to tell them that there is something wrong. I see the look in their eyes or a hitch in their breath as we talk on the phone. Once I see the look or hear the intake of breath I back away. Definitely need to work on this more.

My mantras throughout the day: Clutter free is the way I am meant to be...; The pain is only temporary...the exercise is a lifelong process; My time not theirs...I deserve this time; It is only 1 hour out of the day that I am stealing away from others; I need to put me first...they will always be asking for me.

Without those mantras I wouldn't get all the way through the first mile of the run, the second shelf of the closet, or many other places I find myself to be. Don't get me wrong.. I love my family and friends and they do deserve time with me or the time that I put into the relationships, but I also need to take time for me to be the best me I can be. All too often women place so much onto their plates then are unable to find a moment for breath. I want to be the grandma playing with her grandchildren, the lady travelling the world in retirement, and the soul feeling free and careless when I am 60 or 70. I wont have that if I don't do this for myself now.