I have so much to be thankful for, but there still is a small bit of me that just doesn't see fulfilled. I am on the road to fulfillment to find what gives me joy and peace. I've really come to find that my friends are an important part of my life. I knew that 5 years ago when I was in Wisconsin doing it alone while the hubby was in Michigan starting a new life for us. My friends were the ones that I vented to, asked for help, who came with coffee in the mornings that the baby didn't sleep, congratulated me on my littlest losses of weight.
I gave up talking to a lot of friends over the past 5 years and now I really am sad that I allowed that to happen. I guess I hold resentment to the fact that I allowed myself to be fed guilt that I would not be showering my attention completely on my family. My friends that I have talked with the past month have noticed a change in me, have noticed that I no longer and the bubbly person with a smile that comes naturally. These same friends have helped with suggestions for my weight loss journey. My whole new life as a fit and moving woman.
SOOOO onto the good news of the week. Last week I saw a loss of 4.1# and for the month of October I lost 12.1#s. Yeah me...doing a little dance over there and patting myself on the back. Don't mind me.
Ok so changes this month to diet were cutting out all refined carbs and processed foods. Yep that included the Halloween candy that found itself into the house by my 5 little monsters. I've eated a lot of protein while still getting my veggies and greens in for the day. Lots and lots and lots of water. Oh and did I mention that there was no chocolate???
The other thing that I changed up was doing HIIT on the spin bike or tabatta training on the spin bike. I logged over 300 miles on the spin bike in the month of October. I have found a huge success with moving towards this type of training. I am hoping through the month of November to switch up my equipment. I have been using so far this last week the treadmill for killer HIIT , the spin bike for moderately hard training and today the elliptical...much harder to do the training on. Have been also incorporating strength training about 3 days a week.
So excited for the changes that future allows and the fact that the past can be moved on from.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Sunday, October 28, 2012
What a week
It has been a really weird week that started last weekend with the hubby's Grandma falling really ill. She evidently is doing better because my calls to the house and his texts there have not been answered. So we have to assume that all is mending. But last week Saturday I went out to mow the lawn and like most times I have a few minutes to myself I started to just let my thoughts flow. Somehow my thoughts landed on why do I self destruct everything that I work so hard towards. For instance my weight loss. Why am I allowing my own thoughts and fears to determine how far I go and when I go? I asked God why I do it...the answer I got back more than once was..."Embrace your knowledge, Embrace what you know. You know what you have to do. Just do it." Ok I usually don't have God talking to me, much less when I have been mowing the lawn. So I just let the idea stew in my head for the next hour while mowing the lawn.
I dreamt about it too as I slept that night. I saw the word and heard the word Embrace everywhere in my dreams. The next morning I didn't even think about it and went to the gym and worked out. And I worked out again that night. And I took a walk for over an hour. I ate clean and continued to do so all week. I think that is the nudge I needed. And by embracing what did I get, a huge present on the scale this morning. I was down almost 4 lbs. I didn't feel deprived once but felt full and satiated. Amazing. Truly amazing.
So what else happened this week. Well the normal going into the school to tutor, Patrick had survival swim, my gym time, Hubby working a lot of hours and being gone a few nights while he was in Chicago for a conference. Oh and I had a horrible bout of vertigo that left me in the bathroom for 6 hrs throwing up every 15 mins. I had panic attacks, hot flashes, chills, and head spinning so fast I thought I was going to pitch forward onto the floor. But as fast as it came on it has gotten better. I've had a few not so bad bouts of it this weekend but not nearly as bad as Thursday night was.
Friday was the Hubby and my anniversary for the day we met.15 years ago he came to Wisconsin from Michigan and we spent the weekend together. We went out to the mall for our date and Red Lobster to celebrate. Saturday was full of yard work, a birthday party and building a Community Garden in our yard thanks to a grant from Thrivent Financial.
Today I had great plans, but managed to only get to church and clean the house a bit. The kids and the hubby and I just kept busy with too many other things.
Ok well I am off to continue embracing what I know and hoping that this week leads to another great loss. :)
Love and Blessings to all.
I dreamt about it too as I slept that night. I saw the word and heard the word Embrace everywhere in my dreams. The next morning I didn't even think about it and went to the gym and worked out. And I worked out again that night. And I took a walk for over an hour. I ate clean and continued to do so all week. I think that is the nudge I needed. And by embracing what did I get, a huge present on the scale this morning. I was down almost 4 lbs. I didn't feel deprived once but felt full and satiated. Amazing. Truly amazing.
So what else happened this week. Well the normal going into the school to tutor, Patrick had survival swim, my gym time, Hubby working a lot of hours and being gone a few nights while he was in Chicago for a conference. Oh and I had a horrible bout of vertigo that left me in the bathroom for 6 hrs throwing up every 15 mins. I had panic attacks, hot flashes, chills, and head spinning so fast I thought I was going to pitch forward onto the floor. But as fast as it came on it has gotten better. I've had a few not so bad bouts of it this weekend but not nearly as bad as Thursday night was.
Friday was the Hubby and my anniversary for the day we met.15 years ago he came to Wisconsin from Michigan and we spent the weekend together. We went out to the mall for our date and Red Lobster to celebrate. Saturday was full of yard work, a birthday party and building a Community Garden in our yard thanks to a grant from Thrivent Financial.
Today I had great plans, but managed to only get to church and clean the house a bit. The kids and the hubby and I just kept busy with too many other things.
Ok well I am off to continue embracing what I know and hoping that this week leads to another great loss. :)
Love and Blessings to all.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Back into the game
Wow its been a long time since I have posted anything on here, and in fact I considered just taking this down. But I started this for a reason and I just need to hold onto that. Back in 2007 I started running to lose weight, take mommy time outs when I couldn't handle another screaming moment, and to just discover what I could actually do. I have been told all my life that I was not an athlete. Not athletic Was big boned and would never be small or skinny. That I looked just like the other women in the family who were large framed. In other words I was told that I was going the be large and I should just accept that fact.
Looking back on all those times in my life I have to say that I am really mad at all those that made me believe that I wasn't good enough to try and pursue being healthy and /or athletic. It was family members, teachers, friends, classmates and finally it was me who held me back from obtaining a goal. I started running and walking often to lose weight. I never stuck with it though as I just never had the encouragement or even the know how to continue. I can remember hurtful things being said and done in school from the time we moved into a new school district in Wisconsin in 6th grade. We had large gym classes of 90 kids or more. We had to make a huge chain in the gym and run. We were supposed to jump over the kids...I can not tell you how many times classmates kicked me in the butt and kidneys or actually stepped on me just to prove their point that I was larger than them. There was another group of boys that would constantly ask how much I weighed. I also stated 80#s even though I was well over that already in 6th grade. One of the boys would make loud statements about my weight. I know I wasn't the only one picked on. I can remember in 8th grade another girl being picked on and called a large piece of bubble gum because she wore sweatpants to school frequently. During gym class I also wasn't allowed to run the mile, I was told to go out and start walking it with the other kids that had medical reasons to walk. I wish the teachers had pushed more, I wish my peers had pushed a little more to keep me going. I wish that I had tried out for teams.
Anyways not that flow of thought is out there, here is the next. Over the last year I have walked 60 miles in 3 days in the name of Komen's Cure. I have run and walked many miles. During the walk I ended up with bad stress fractures in my feet and ankles and shins. I lost the entire front bottom of my feet to blisters and a few toenails. I ended up sitting in bed and couches for 4 weeks because of the pain. I thought for sure I would never end up back on my feet or in the gym again. But then one day I said I can't sit here anymore and got up and walked 3 miles. It took me forever,...I mean like 2 hours but I did it and every day since I have done some physical activity. I have been going to the gym at least 3 days a week and spinning for between 30 mins and an hour. This last week I just started adding strength training in. This is my weakness. I can do cardio all day...strength training is boring to me and since I don't feel I really know what I am doing exactly I feel awkward doing it.
On my birthday I went to the dr and weighed in more than I ever wanted to be again and so once again I am working on losing the pounds. The dr suggested using Weight Watchers and I signed up that night online. I have lost and I have gained. I am still trying to figure out what the perfect format is, but I am working on it and trying to not get discouraged. I have set a long term goal of losing over 100 pounds, truth be told it is 102 lbs from where I was at on my birthday. But I have been encouraged by friends to set the short term goals too, so I am putting out here that by Christmas I would like to lose another pants size and be back in weight to where I was in May.
I am hoping by putting this down here where there are people to hold me accountable and give me that encouragement at random times that I will hold onto my goals and obtain them. I hope to be able to be able to blog about life struggles, family struggles, eating struggles and my gym struggles on here and have an open discussion with those that can offer great conversation about it. With much love and encouragement to those that are in this same fight and struggle with me.
Looking back on all those times in my life I have to say that I am really mad at all those that made me believe that I wasn't good enough to try and pursue being healthy and /or athletic. It was family members, teachers, friends, classmates and finally it was me who held me back from obtaining a goal. I started running and walking often to lose weight. I never stuck with it though as I just never had the encouragement or even the know how to continue. I can remember hurtful things being said and done in school from the time we moved into a new school district in Wisconsin in 6th grade. We had large gym classes of 90 kids or more. We had to make a huge chain in the gym and run. We were supposed to jump over the kids...I can not tell you how many times classmates kicked me in the butt and kidneys or actually stepped on me just to prove their point that I was larger than them. There was another group of boys that would constantly ask how much I weighed. I also stated 80#s even though I was well over that already in 6th grade. One of the boys would make loud statements about my weight. I know I wasn't the only one picked on. I can remember in 8th grade another girl being picked on and called a large piece of bubble gum because she wore sweatpants to school frequently. During gym class I also wasn't allowed to run the mile, I was told to go out and start walking it with the other kids that had medical reasons to walk. I wish the teachers had pushed more, I wish my peers had pushed a little more to keep me going. I wish that I had tried out for teams.
Anyways not that flow of thought is out there, here is the next. Over the last year I have walked 60 miles in 3 days in the name of Komen's Cure. I have run and walked many miles. During the walk I ended up with bad stress fractures in my feet and ankles and shins. I lost the entire front bottom of my feet to blisters and a few toenails. I ended up sitting in bed and couches for 4 weeks because of the pain. I thought for sure I would never end up back on my feet or in the gym again. But then one day I said I can't sit here anymore and got up and walked 3 miles. It took me forever,...I mean like 2 hours but I did it and every day since I have done some physical activity. I have been going to the gym at least 3 days a week and spinning for between 30 mins and an hour. This last week I just started adding strength training in. This is my weakness. I can do cardio all day...strength training is boring to me and since I don't feel I really know what I am doing exactly I feel awkward doing it.
On my birthday I went to the dr and weighed in more than I ever wanted to be again and so once again I am working on losing the pounds. The dr suggested using Weight Watchers and I signed up that night online. I have lost and I have gained. I am still trying to figure out what the perfect format is, but I am working on it and trying to not get discouraged. I have set a long term goal of losing over 100 pounds, truth be told it is 102 lbs from where I was at on my birthday. But I have been encouraged by friends to set the short term goals too, so I am putting out here that by Christmas I would like to lose another pants size and be back in weight to where I was in May.
I am hoping by putting this down here where there are people to hold me accountable and give me that encouragement at random times that I will hold onto my goals and obtain them. I hope to be able to be able to blog about life struggles, family struggles, eating struggles and my gym struggles on here and have an open discussion with those that can offer great conversation about it. With much love and encouragement to those that are in this same fight and struggle with me.
Monday, January 23, 2012
3 day walk for a cure
This Aug 17-19 I will be walking in Michigan's Susan G. Komen's 3 Day Walk for a Cure, I need to raise $2300 by Aug 16th. I thought I would put my donation information here and then come back and update when I have a bit more time. Feel free to share the images.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Mommy time....
I just got back from a weekend in Florida all by myself. It was great. I went to Busch Gardens where an amazing friend made me get onto a roller coaster that freaked the bijibbies out of me. Shiekra included a 200 foot and 130 foot 90 degree drop that left me without even a scream at the end. I saw some awesome animals and beautiful scenery. I found that little bit of myself that I haven't seen since I was 18 on had last ridden a roller coaster. That concur your fears moment. It was great. The little girl we were with also took to the roller coasters with the no fear attitude.
The rest of the weekend was spent being a tourist in Tampa and just spending some great time with good friends and their family and friends. By the way the movie Contraband was really good too.
On Sunday night and Monday I got to just hang with my favorite sister, Dani. We had dinner on the beach and took in the sunset. Was nice to just breathe and talk. The time went too fast and the gorgeous weather will be very much missed. I can't wait for summer to come this way again.
I had flown AirTran and was given the chance to check in early. When I got the chance to checkin there was only one seat left in the coach area that was in the exit row. It cost me an additional $20 to book it. The other seats in business that were available for an additional $49. It drove me a bit crazy that I had to pay for the only seats available, but I really didn't want to take the chance on having to be on stand by or missing the flight entirely. The choice ended up being good as the flight had been overbooked by more than 10 people. My flight to Grand Rapids from Baltimore ended up only having 20 people on it so I had 3 seats to myself to stretch out in. Grand Rapids was foggy to the point that the pilot couldn't see the runway. We made 3 approaches and finally landed safe and sound.
I really needed the time to relax and just be me not mom or wife. I am finding that it is so easy to loose myself and needs in the house. As soon as I stepped into the car I was already figuring out what needed to be done, and was awake until 3 am thinking through things that I knew needed to be done yet.
It was a great vacation and my mind and body thank the hubby for the short time that I had to recuperate.
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