Back into the game

Wow its been a long time since I have posted anything on here, and in fact I considered just taking this down.  But I started this for a reason and I just need to hold onto that.  Back in 2007 I started running to lose weight, take mommy time outs when I couldn't handle another screaming moment, and to just discover what I could actually do.  I have been told all my life that I was not an athlete. Not athletic   Was big boned and would never be small or skinny.  That I looked just like the other women in the family who were large framed.  In other words I was told that I was going the be large and I should just accept that fact.

Looking back on all those times in my life I have to say that I am really mad at all those that made me believe that I wasn't good enough to try and pursue being healthy and /or athletic.  It was family members, teachers, friends, classmates and finally it was me who held me back from obtaining a goal.  I started running and walking often to lose weight.  I never stuck with it though as I just never had the encouragement or even the know how to continue.  I can remember hurtful things being said and done in school from the time we moved into a new school district in Wisconsin in 6th grade.  We had large gym classes of 90 kids or more.  We had to make a huge chain in the gym and run.  We were supposed to jump over the kids...I can not tell you how many times classmates kicked me in the butt and kidneys or actually stepped on me just to prove their point that I was larger than them.  There was another group of boys that would constantly ask how much I weighed.  I also stated 80#s even though I was well over that already in 6th grade.  One of the boys would make loud statements about my weight.  I know I wasn't the only one picked on.  I can remember in 8th grade another girl being picked on and called a large piece of bubble gum because she wore sweatpants to school frequently.  During gym class I also wasn't allowed to run the mile, I was told to go out and start walking it with the other kids that had medical reasons to walk.  I wish the teachers had pushed more, I wish my peers had pushed a little more to keep me going. I wish that I had tried out for teams.

Anyways not that flow of thought is out there, here is the next.  Over the last year I have walked 60 miles in 3 days in the name of Komen's Cure.  I have run and walked many miles.  During the walk I ended up with bad stress fractures in my feet and ankles and shins.  I lost the entire front bottom of my feet to blisters and a few toenails.  I ended up sitting in bed and couches for 4 weeks because of the pain.  I thought for sure I would never end up back on my feet or in the gym again.  But then one day I said I can't sit here anymore and got up and walked 3 miles.  It took me forever,...I mean like 2 hours but I did it and every day since I have done some physical activity.  I have been going to the gym at least 3 days a week and spinning for between 30 mins and an hour.  This last week I just started adding strength training in.  This is my weakness. I can do cardio all day...strength training is boring to me and since I don't feel I really know what I am doing exactly I feel awkward doing it.

On my birthday I went to the dr and weighed in more than I ever wanted to be again and so once again I am working on losing the pounds.  The dr suggested using Weight Watchers and I signed up that night online.  I have lost and I have gained.  I am still trying to figure out what the perfect format is, but I am working on it and trying to not get discouraged.  I have set a long term goal of losing over 100 pounds, truth be told it is 102 lbs from where I was at on my birthday.  But I have been encouraged by friends to set the short term goals too, so I am putting out here that by Christmas I would like to lose another pants size and be back in weight to where I was in May.

 I am hoping by putting this down here where there are people to hold me accountable and give me that encouragement at random times that I will hold onto my goals and obtain them.  I hope to be able to be able to blog about life struggles, family struggles, eating struggles and my gym struggles on here and have an open discussion with those that can offer great conversation about it.  With much love and encouragement to those that are in this same fight and struggle with me.